Taming the Tongue

Speak without thinking, and your words can cut like a knife.  Be wise, and your words can heal. 

Proverbs 12:18 ERV

It is fair to say that everyone, at one time or another, has been on the receiving end of hurtful words.  Sometimes they are meant in jest, while other times they are not.  Either way, they hurt.  It is also fair to say that from time to time, we are the ones doling out the hurtful words.  Sarcasm and joking are an “easy” way to disguise what we are really feeling in our hearts.  

In the book of James, we encounter a profound exhortation regarding the power of the tongue. As women of faith, we understand the significance of our words and the impact they can have on our spouses, children, relationships, communities, and ourselves.

Before we dive deeper into how our words can tear down or build up others, let's look at how they can do the same for ourselves.

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and either mentally or out loud, talked negatively about what you see and who you say you are?  Statistically, 80% of all women talk down about themselves: body image, intellect, worth, value, acceptance, etc… If our words have the power of life and death (Proverbs 18:21), why do we use them against ourselves?  Would we ever say those things to a sister in Christ?  Why would we say them about ourselves?

We are created in the beautiful image of God, set apart for His purpose.  We are a royal priesthood, worthy of the love that Jesus lavished on us by dying on the cross.  Whenever you are tempted to talk down about yourself, be reminded of these things and speak TruthI over yourself.

I am loved - Jeremiah 31:3

I am beautiful - Psalm 45:11

I am worth everything - John 3:16

I am forgiven - Psalm 103:2

I am created for a purpose - Jeremiah 29:11

I am unique - Psalm 139:13

I am empowered - Philippians 4:13

I am chosen - John 15:16

I am His - Isaiah 43:1

As we use our words to speak life into ourselves, it will bubble over to speaking words of life over others.  We do have to be careful of satan’s nasty traps though!  Let’s dig deeper into the wisdom of God’s Word as we explore the ways in which our tongues can both hurt and heal.

The Hurtful Tongue can kill, steal, and destroy in many ways.  Here are a few examples:

Gossip and Slander: The tongue, when wielded carelessly, can become a weapon of gossip and slander, spreading falsehoods, hurt and disagreements among friends and family. (Proverbs 16:28)

Harsh Criticism: Words spoken in anger or judgment can pierce the soul like arrows, leaving wounds that take time to heal. (Proverbs 12:18)

Lies and Deceit: When deceitful words flow from our lips, they poison the well of trust, causing relationships to wither and decay. (Proverbs 6:16-19)

Judgment and Condemnation: Passing hasty judgments and condemning others with our words can create an atmosphere of fear and shame rather than grace and mercy. (Matthew 7:1-5)

Flattery and Manipulation: Using our words to manipulate or flatter for personal gain may seem harmless, but it can lead to broken trust and fractured relationships. (Proverbs 29:5)

Idle Talk, Sarcasm, and Coarse Joking: Engaging in meaningless chatter can lead to a squandering of precious time and energy, diverting our focus from what truly matters. Using sarcasm really is just a cover for what is truly in our hearts.  (Ephesians 5:4)

On the other hand, a Healing Tongue can bring peace and life to the world around us.  Here are a few examples:

Encouragement: Speaking words of encouragement and affirmation can breathe life into weary souls, renewing hope and inspiring courage. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

Kindness: Choosing kindness in our speech can create an atmosphere of warmth and acceptance, fostering deep connections and mutual respect. (Ephesians 4:32)

Truth and Integrity: Letting our words be guided by truth and integrity builds a foundation of trust, allowing for genuine and meaningful relationships to flourish. (Proverbs 12:22)

Forgiveness: Offering words of forgiveness and reconciliation can mend broken hearts and restore harmony in fractured relationships. (Colossians 3:13)

Wisdom: Seeking wisdom in our speech allows us to speak with clarity and insight, guiding others toward paths of righteousness and understanding. (Proverbs 10:31)

Prayer: Using our words to lift up prayers for others brings comfort, strength, and healing, aligning our hearts with God's purposes and plans. (James 5:16)

What type of words do you truly desire to be known for with family and friends?  Take some time to consider how your words affect not only yourself, but others around you.  Sometimes it is better to be kind than right.  Read that again.  

As you spend time with the Father this week, ask yourself these questions.  How have I witnessed the damaging effects of uncontrolled speech in my own life or the lives of those around me?  In what areas of my speech do I need to exercise greater discipline and self-control?  How can I cultivate a heart of compassion and grace, so that my words may reflect the love of Christ to others?

Lord, grant me the wisdom to bridle my tongue and speak words that edify and encourage those around me.  Help me to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, so that I may reflect Your patience and grace in all my interactions.  Fill me with Your Holy Spirit, that my words may be guided by Your truth and love, bringing healing and reconciliation wherever they go. Amen.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.  When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.  Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.  And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13 NIV